I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
