My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
