We got so high we made milksteak
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
