i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I love how my cats smell like pot.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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