i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This is classic penis vs brain.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
