is your mom at the bar?
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
