he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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