david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
