am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
