Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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