seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize