You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
