i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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