Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
