He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just gift wrapped bread.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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