There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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