I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
