she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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