I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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