after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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