he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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