dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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