you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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