Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
