She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
