some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Less talking, more tequila
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
