She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Randomize
