I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
