The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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