Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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