What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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