I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
