I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
