Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
