don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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