I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
