By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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