I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
