Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
