I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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