what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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