when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
