I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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