I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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