when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
