sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The uberlube is also flammable
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize