my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
