Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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