grandma shit on top of the toilet
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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