I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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