That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
