what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize