He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
