i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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