you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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