I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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