Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
