i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
