i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
