She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There r osticjed everywhere
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
