Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
