We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
