Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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