508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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