she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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