i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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