So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
