yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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