my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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