Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Two words: blizzard sex
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
